i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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