ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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