just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
