"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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