Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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