dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
