i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
