Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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