you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
