If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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