when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Also, beer. Big fan.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
