Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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