kristin has been a bad kristin
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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