Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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