Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
