U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
