did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
