Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
