I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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