I can tuck mytits in my pants
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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