Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize