I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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