my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
