I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
