Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
