FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
No stitches, just platelets and will power
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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