I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
