we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize