Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
