I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
