I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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