I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
