just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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