You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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