I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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