Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
