I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
