toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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