i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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