Grow some girl-balls and come out already
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
