Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
