I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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