maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
