i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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