He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
