Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
