We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
