At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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