wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
