The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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