butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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