So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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