Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
