i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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