i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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