Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
