Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
