She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
