I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Terrible idea I love it
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize