Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
