My girlfriend figured out who you are.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i dont even know how to be here
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He better not be in your backpack
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
