I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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