and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
