dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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