it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
