Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize